A Month of Thanks - Why I am thankful for my neck problems

     I am a Facebooker and saw the trend of daily thanks going on this year for the entire month of November.  I have participated in the first 3 days with these 3 posts:
         1:  It's "thankful" season: I am thankful that I have the ability and opportunity to help other people when they need help more often than I need help. 'Tis far more fulfilling to give than to receive.
         2:  Wed., Nov 2nd: I am beyond thankful that this week is half way over. The nice way of putting it is "challenging".  (I posted that one late at night after an EXTREMELY difficult day at the office.)
          3:  Day 3 - I am thankful for my husband who has never stopped loving me, not even for one single day. We all know that we all have our unlovable days...and I probably have more than most. Love you bunches, Grady.

     Today, a Facebook post just won't cover that for which I am thankful because at first glance it's not going to make any sense.  Friday, Nov. 4th:  I AM THANKFUL FOR MY NECK PROBLEMS.

      For those of you that don't know, I am a dentist.  I graduated from OU College of Dentistry in 2000 (6 months after our oldest son, Parker, was born in Dec. of 1999.)  We moved back to my hometown of Vinita that July and I began to practice dentistry full time.  Our other 2 boys were born in June of 2001 and December of 2002 - 3 boys in 3 years, each 18 months apart.  I STRUGGLED with working full time and my desire to be home with my boys.  Honest truth be told, all I ever wanted to truly be in life was a stay at home mom.  People may wonder with that being said why in the world I went to 9 (yes, NINE) years of college if I really wanted to be home with my babies once I had them.  The answer to that question mostly lies in the fact that my mother - a very bright and driven woman -  always told me that I needed to make a career for myself that did not require me to be dependent on any man.  (That's a whole other blog post in itself.)  Anyway, once I went to all of that school and accumulated all of those student loans, staying home just wasn't an option.  I HAD to work.

     I worked really hard (in my opinion) for those first six years.  At one point, I was the only Sooner Care, Oklahoma's Medicaid coverage system, dental provider for 3 counties which encompassed about 17,000 children if I remember correctly.  When I was pregnant with my last son, I can remember taking a break in the middle of seeing patients and just resting my head on the countertop in my operatory.  Working on kids is much more difficult on necks and backs (again, in my opinion) than working on adults.  I have to contort my body to meet a kid where they are rather than placing them exactly where I can best see and expecting them to sit still.  Those contortions in combination with bad genentics caused me to end up with 2 ruptured discs sometime between 2004-2006.  I hurt really badly for a couple of years before my surgery in August of 2006. 

     My neck surgery to fuse C4-6 did not go as planned for a variety of reasons.  I trusted the surgeon because he had twice operated on my dad many years prior to my surgery and those went well.  It turns out I caught him in the twilight of his career and he skipped a diagnostic test that should have been done prior to the operation.  As a result, within a few weeks of my fusion surgery, the disc above and below the level of the fusion also ruptured.  (The opinions I sought after my surgery from other doctors said from my MRI at least one of the 2 was predictable and should have been included in my surgery.)  Part of my left hand, my non-dominant hand, is still numb.  I have permanent nerve damage.  For well over 2 years, I had hand tremors.  Obviously, you can't work as a dentist with shaky hands.

     The tremors finally resolved, but I live with chronic pain.  Bottom line is:  the more I work, the more I hurt.  The days I work, 95% of the time, I have to take pain medicine and a muscle relaxer when I get home.  However, as negative as that sounds - I choose to see it as a BLESSING.  My neck problems forced me out of full time dentistry allowing time for me to be predominantly a mom.  It's still a financial challenge at times - thankfully we had taken out a disability policy that helps us.  I now work a day (or maybe two) in the office a week - other than when Dad is away and I work then.  When I am not working at the office, I am either with my boys, volunteering for something that will in some way impact my boys, substitute teaching at one of their schools, or doing their laundry.  ;-)  I love my profession as well.  I enjoy seeing the patients the days I am there and enjoy being a part of the Oklahoma Dental Association - I have spent a lot of my time volunteering there, as well.

     I did not always see it as a blessing - and the days I am really hurting, I might forget temporarily that it is a blessing.    I get depressed that I can't ski when my family skiis, push a full grocery cart without hurting, or other things I used to take for granted.  I used to be really depressed that I "wasted" all of that time in dental school and can't be there for my patients the way I used to be.  But, I realize that if I weren't a dentist, I wouldn't have the same opportunites to serve in my community that I do now.  I also know that my personality needs that outside world contact that I might not get without my job.  I'm a definite people person and some days I get a bit lonely when the boys are gone to school and Grady is at work.

     The moral of the story is:  My neck problems are part of God's Perfect Will for me.  It has given me the best of both worlds.  I get to work just enough to fulfill my need to help others through dentistry and I get to stay at home to be the mom to my boys that I always wanted to be. So, therfore, I THANK GOD FOR GIVING ME A PERFECTLY FLAWED NECK.